Keep Me Awake
by ChristyCat
Summary: Despite the finality of his decision, Superman wonders if he can walk away from the woman he loves. This is an A/U


**This story is an alternate scenario to the events that ended Superman II. **

**It is inspired by the song "Awake" sung by Josh Groban. The lyric; "Give me more time to feel this way" caused my Muse to unleash the plot bunny of angst, and this is what came out. I listened to the song on loop the entire time I was writing this.**

**A thousand 'thank you's to my beloved beta; Saavikam, whose patience with my inability to ascertain proper grammar and tense knows no bounds.**

"**Keep Me Awake"**

"Well....there he goes, kid. Up, up and away." Lois whispered to herself, trying to keep the tears from her voice. She willed herself not to turn around. This was impossible as it was, but the image of him flying away from her would be unbearable.

The chill of the night wasted no time rushing in, replacing the warmth that a moment ago had been wrapped around her. But it was so much more than cold that made her shiver now.

Her whole body seemed to be coming apart. She wrapped her arms around herself, desperate to just get inside and away from the sky that he belonged to now.

She took a step forward. Another. Then her knees gave out and she clutched the lead planter with both hands. Her knuckles were white as she squeezed the solid surface, she welcomed the sting at the end of her fingertips, anything was better than the pain than was crushing her heart.

"_Pink..." the teasing echo of his voice answered. "Pink." His blue eyes had sparkled with amusement as he'd nodded toward her._

The night air scraped the inside of Lois's throat, such was the force of the sob that shook her. She stumbled blindly away from the planter, hopelessly trying to outrun her memories. She made it as far as the patio table and she was already seated before she realized her mistake.

"_But if I did, Miss Lane, you'd be the first to know about it." He'd sat across the table from her, his impish smile hidden behind the thumb and forefinger of a large splendid hand._

Lois collapsed onto the table, laying her forehead onto her folded arms and let the tears come. Her shoulders shook with the force of her agony, the muscles in her face contorting into the very image of suffering. There was a moment that she actually heard the sound of her heart breaking.

Much of the night had been spent patrolling the world, lending a hand where he was needed, doing anything he could to prevent himself from standing still for even a moment.

The world had trembled under the thumb of General Zod for a terrible 48 hours. As he soared, his ears picked up the collective sigh of a world no longer under the threat of alien dictatorship. Even the birds felt the release of pressure and sang merrily on every continent.

Yes, he heard all of these things, but it was the heartbroken sobs of the woman he loved that echoed at the forefront of his attention. Her groans of agony followed him as he crisscrossed the world, duty tearing him from her arms, and preventing him from being the solace she so badly needed.

The past few days had been the greatest and most terrible of his life. Loving Lois from afar for so long, the possibility of belonging to her had been too seductive a prospect to deny. He knew she would figure him out someday. It was her wonderful, brilliant mind that he adored, that tenacity of spirit that caused her to find out the reasons for everything. It didn't surprise him that that very nature had brought her before him, with realization and love shining in her eyes.

Perhaps he'd helped in some small way. He could move across the world in the blink of an eye with all the grace of a god. But somehow in her presence, he became the bumbling fool he pretended to be. In the end, all it took was a pink stuffed polar bear to cause him to lose control of his feet and stumble smack dab in the center of her radar.

Her eyes had looked at him and for the first time _really_ seen him. The magnetic force between them had been more powerful than even his great strength could resist. She'd folded so naturally into his arms, and for the first time in his lonely existence on this planet, he had been home.

Being with her, touching her, kissing her had been more than he could have imagined it to be. To have her, he would gladly have given up everything that made him a son of Krypton. He would've forsaken his forefathers for the chance to move forward within the circle of her embrace.

But this submission, however sweet, had been temporary, and the cost had rendered their cocoon of bliss asunder with one flash of an ill-fated news broadcast.

In that terrible moment, he'd known he could not run from his destiny. The very people that had loved him and raised him were the people that needed his protection. Humans. So fragile, so wonderful. And Lois was one of them. They needed him. They needed Superman.

A savior and a husband. He could not be both.

He couldn't sentence her to a tormented existence, acting out a love story that could never be realized. He couldn't ignore the cries for help that echoed off the very sky, unrelentingly, every moment, without ceasing. He couldn't love her as she needed to be loved. She deserved better. She deserved more. She deserved to have arms around her as she slept and eyes to look into when she awoke.

His heart throbbed with sorrow, knowing he couldn't promise her any of those things. Jor-El had saved his life to give him a higher purpose. A purpose beyond his own happiness. His was an existence of service and he could never forget that.

His father was right. He couldn't interfere. He couldn't raise the importance of one above that of humanity. In doing so, he endangered them all and endangered _her _in the process.

Tomorrow would be the first step of a journey that threatened to crush him with despair...

Tomorrow. It would be over. For her.

Then…

A sob echoed through his perfect hearing and he slowed his feverish flight path.

Behind her she heard the soft, familiar thump of two boots landing on the rooftop. She didn't raise her head. She couldn't handle another specter of torment. Everyone had their limits, and she was light years past hers.

"Lois?" his voice came softly.

Casting the dice and taking the chance that she was hurling herself headlong into insanity, she slowly turned toward his voice.

She was unprepared for the sight before her. There he stood, his cheeks wet with tears, looking every inch as miserable as she.

Lois rose to her feet instinctively. The end of the world couldn't prevent the force that compelled her toward him. He stepped off the ledge, propelled by the same irresistible force. He crossed the patio in two steps and she was in his arms, clinging to him as if her life depended on it. And perhaps it did.

His hands buried themselves in her hair, holding her tightly against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his midsection and was surprised to find him shaking. His heart thundered beneath her ear, his breath coming in tortured gasps.

"I can't let you go," he rasped, fresh tears tumbling over the threshold of his eyes. "Not yet." his voice broke pitifully.

He pulled away only a fraction, his lips searching for hers, her anguished cry silenced as his found their destination. The heat of his mouth nearly burned her with its intensity, but she would not pull away. Instead, she pressed herself firmly against him, weaving her fingers through his hair. Perhaps if she got close enough, they would forge together and nothing, not even his destiny would be able to separate them.

Their tears mingled, seasoning their kiss with sorrow. This was a stolen moment and they both knew it. Tomorrow the world would once again start spinning, and it would tear them apart in the process.

The thought filled Lois's heart with such despair that she couldn't prevent it from bursting forth and she sobbed against his mouth. His hands cupped her face, and he poured his heart into his wordless declaration of love. He breathed in the sound of her cries and sipped the tears that ran over her lips.

"Clark..." she pleaded, her voice nearly inaudible, yet thundering bitter sweetly in his ears.

Lois Lane was many things, but weak was not one of them. The beseeching tone in her voice was his undoing. He bent slightly and gathered her legs into his arms carrying her through the sliding glass door into her apartment.

Lois was silent as he laid her down so gently on her bed. She feared one word would break the gossamer strands of this moment and send him flying off once again into the night.

Tonight was a hidden time, spirited away from the winds of change that would arrive with the rising of the sun. Lois wished with all of her heart that she could stretch these moments into forever and never have to face a future without him.

But looking in his eyes, the inevitability of their future shined in sorrowful blue. She resolved to cherish every second and memorize the planes of his face, the touch of his hands, inflection of every love-soaked whisper.

Shuddering cries of sorrow bloomed into impassioned sighs and groaned proclamations of love. He was so tender, almost reverent. But no matter where he touched her, every caress seemed to trail across the aching surface of her heart.

Over the rhythm they created, the ticking of an imaginary clock taunted, counting aloud the seconds until sunrise.

They fell together against the pillows, entangled in each other, pressed together in every fathomable way, trying to drink in the contact now to make up for a lifetime of distance.

Lois' breath was ragged, her whole body shaking in response to his love. She clung to him, her tears sliding town the curve of his shoulder. "Don't let me fall asleep." she mumbled, her eyes drooping in exhaustion. "Keep me awake. Just a little longer..."

Unable to deny her, he dipped his head once again to capture her mouth. Her lips were soft and pliant against his, they moved ever slower, ever more gently as sleep began to gain its territory. Her tenacious resolve to stay awake, finally succumbed to her body's need for rest.

He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the rumor of sunlight that even now sent tingles of energy over his bare skin.

A tear escaped from the corner of his eye. _Not yet. _he begged. _Just a few more moments to feel like this…_

He held her against the wall of his chest. He traced a finger over the moist surface of her forehead, pulling away a lock of hair that perspiration had held in place.

In slumber she reached for him instinctively, curling her fingers around his hand, holding it against her body.

Clark looked away, his face twisting in misery. The sun peeked apologetically over the horizon, its light bringing a shimmer to the tears in his eyes. He held his breath to prevent the sound of his cries from waking her.

He took one last look his beloved, folded so peacefully beneath him. His mind, that forgot nothing, took in every feature; the graceful curve of her cheek, still flushed from his attention, her bee-stung lips still swollen from his kiss. His eyes traced the delicate slope of her nose beneath the ebony fans of her eyelashes. How perfect she was. He ached to awaken her, to see the love shining in her eyes one last time.

But he had gambled enough with her heart. With his.

It was time.

With only a moment of hesitation, he inhaled once, twice, gasping for the air that his heart needed so more than his lungs, and lowered his lips onto hers. Lois' hand tightened around his, her breath catching.

An ominous breeze kicked up off the balcony and through the open door. It swept over the bed and their intertwined forms before vanishing as quickly as it had come.

His head swam as their thoughts mingled and he gathered what was belonged to her into himself. Memories of the past few days in all their splendor and pain would be tucked away, a burden for him alone to carry.

In return he saw the relaxed countenance of an untormented heart spread across Lois' features. She exhaled, her breath warming his lips for the last time. Her fingers loosened, and he slid his hand gently, painfully from her embrace.

He dared not look at her as he slid from the bed. In a moment he was dressed and he stepped out into the cool of the morning. The glass of the door locked into place behind him and he took to the air.

Hoping against hope, he wished that somehow their time together would remain, if only in the realm of her dreams. And that she would keep in her heart the knowledge that she was loved beyond reason.

"Forgive me..." he murmured brokenly. Without looking back he launched into the air and disappeared over the horizon, carrying with him the burden of a love that could never be.


End file.
